One Down, One To Go

waiting for a missionary is like waiting in line to go to the bathroom. you start in the back and think there is NO way you're ever going to make it in time. you're going to wet your pants right there. that's how bad you have to go. but you're confident in yourself. you can do hard things! you move up a spot and you feel like the line is going so slow but you put on a nice face and pretend that you're ok. but then, after a while, you've moved up a couple spots and you find you're actually enjoying yourself. you've made a couple friends in the line and the lady walking out with her shirt tucked in her underwear was pretty amusing. you get distracted and you don't feel the weight of your bladder that's ready to explode. then, you realize you're half-way there! that's pretty good. you don't think about it too hard though, cause actually, half-way is really only half-way. but! if you made it this far, you can make it the rest of the way. which is why, today, i celebrate the fact that i have not yet wet my pants.

this is my missionary!

he's been gone exactly one year and i'm feeling pretty good about that. i'm at the point where i'm feeling pretty relaxed but really happy that the wait is already half over. i'm thinking the rest of the wait will also be akin to waiting in line for the bathroom. i'll feel all relaxed for a little while longer but start to slowly get really anxious. and then, as soon as i start making my way towards the stall i'm gonna start kinda skipping. and everyone knows that as soon as you shut the door to the stall, you just can't hold still. it's coming and there's no stopping it. you're just hoping and praying you make it to the toilet with dry pants. and then... you finally sit down and let it all out! no more worrying. at this point, you've never felt better. you zip up your pants proudly, walk out smiling and it feels like it never even happened. yep! that's my analogy that i just made up. enjoy it.

i really love this guy, which is why i'm waiting for him. he's pretty amazing and is doing an awesome job at being a missionary. i couldn't ask for a better friend. he has a strong testimony and is encouraging me to be better. even if he got back and we hated each other (not likely), i'd be happy (sort of) because waiting for him has helped me grow in a lot of ways and i've been able to see him grow and become a better person. i'm not really sure that that part of waiting can really be compared to the whole waiting in line thing but maybe i'll think of something later.

anyway, i love him and i'm really excited for this day to be here! here's hoping the next year is even better! moon and back, baby!

it's actually the best day of my life. why, you ask? because of my new baby. i just might marry it.

one hundred and sixty three dollars later and i'm the happiest girl alive! i just can't wait to drive somewhere! thanks, Dad!

Lessons Learned

every night is a struggle for me. should i go to sleep? or should i stay awake? it seems like there's no compromise: if i sleep i'll have a better day, but if i stay awake i know i'll hear reed if he needs me. during my prayers the other day i realized that the only way i could be successful was with Heavenly Father's help. previously, i had been praying that i would be able to hear reed during the night but this night i decided to change my prayer a little. i asked to have faith that Heavenly Father would make everything work. that i would know that He's looking over reed and He'll keep him safe. all i have to do is trust that if reed needs me, Heavenly Father will direct me in what to do.

when i was six, my dad took me on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride at disneyland and he even let me drive! i was really happy to drive until we went through a tunnel and i couldn't see. i thought that we were going to crash. dad told me not to worry, we would be alright. again, i was afraid of the dark. but, maybe that's the point. Heavenly Father knows it's dark and scary but He wants us to trust Him. we have to be willing to say "ok, even though i'm afraid of that, i'll do it, because i know you'll help me". we have to walk a little into the dark, out of our comfort zone, into the unknown, and trust that Heavenly Father is directing us.

every night i have to put my faith in Him and believe that if i need to, He'll help me wake up because He is watching over me. but then i was thinking that it's bigger than that. sometimes i feel like i don't know where my life is going or what lies ahead but i have to believe that He knows the path in front of me even when it looks dark to me. i made it through the tunnel in Mr. Toad's Wild Road and i'll make it through any other dark tunnels He sends me through.

i guess that's just what i was thinking about this week so i thought i'd share it..

take note that i was not the only child who was scarred by Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

T

I have this really great friend, Katy. T for short. she's like one of my best friends and i talk to her every day. we talk to each other because we don't have other friends. and because we love each other. let's just make a list of the top ten great things about T.

one: she is always online to talk to me

two: she has the funniest jokes

three: she has really great hair

four: she's so giving and thoughtful

five: she amso smart

six: her life is almost as entertaining as Hannah Montana

seven: she has a shirt with horses on it

eight: she has strange urges to act like a girl

nine: she is going to move to boston...what?

ten: she's totally hott!!

there are a lot of other really great things about her. she's really humble and would never say all these things about herself but i wanted the world to know how wonderful she is. she makes me better every day. she's so great that there's really only one bad thing about her... she watches the bachlorette. other than that, i think we were made for each other.

Swimming with Babies

I had a day off so i went to the pond. Walden Pond.

I got myself some lunch at wal mart and headed off on my journey. it was a pretty big undertaking considering i didn't know how to get there and i didn't look up any directions. i was kinda hoping there would just be enough signs. and there were. i got there with ease. it was a nice day. not too hot, not too cold. just right. i didn't really know what to expect, but from the pictures, it looked like there was a nice beach to lay out on. and there was, but like i said, it was a nice day and there were so many people there. i found myself a nice little niche by a tree and close to the water, sat myself down and enjoyed my lunch. i read from my book for a while and then finally took a plunge into the water. luckily, it was really warm water (i'm trying to ignore the fact that it could possibly have been because i was in the swimming area with all the small children). i let myself dry on the beach but only for a little while because i got a text from a girl who i'd met at church. she wanted to know if i wanted to hang out! a friend, so wonderful. so i hurried home (didn't get lost. count it.) and got ready so i could meet her at the olive garden for lunch (got lost for a second... don't count it). she's from utah and is here for a year as a nanny so we want to be friends. we had dinner then walked around the strip mall for a while. we pretended to be looking at clothes but we were talking too much to focus on anything but the conversation. it was a good time and i'm glad to have a friend because, even though i very much enjoyed my time alone at the pond, the whole time i was thinking about how much more fun it would've been if i had a friend with me. swimming with the babies will only cut it for so long :)

Run, Read, Reed, Repeat.

i realized that i only post when i do something out of the ordinary so i thought i'd shed a little light on what my life is actually like. here's a daily rundown for ya:

i usually wake up at around 10:30 every morning and wonder why i'm awake and then try to get in at least another half hour of blessed sleeping time. sometimes i fall back asleep for another hour or so and sometimes i just lay in my bed wishing i was still sleeping.

first thing's first, say my prayers then put on my running shorts, shoes, watch and i'm out the door. i drive in my cute car, kevin (the name needs to change, she's actually a girl but it'll do for now), over to Dean Park which turns out to be one of my grandma eldredge's favorite places from when she was little! i run my little heart out for however long i please and then allow myself to be swallowed up in my own thoughts as i sit on the hill next to the pond. i spend as much time there as possible. i love to sit and feel the breeze off of the water and watch all the geese fly around. oh, side note: the other day as i was sitting, i watched this mom take her son, bread bag in hand, to feed the geese. they each threw one piece of bread and the whole flock of geese started chasing after them and the mom ran away like a little girl, leaving her poor son behind to be mauled by the geese haha. anyway, there are a lot of people at the park around this time. it's like the whole town decided they were going to meet up there for their lunch break. the plumber and the mail man even park their trucks there for a while each day. it's kinda like a little park partay.

once i've thoroughly enjoyed my stay at the park, i have two options. one, go home. two, go to the library or find some other way to get out of going home. i generally choose option two. i spend a lot of time at the library. sometimes i go get a book from the library and then go back to the park to read there. other ways i spend my alone time are by meandering around wal mart by myself or taking myself on a historic tour of Shrewsbury or making unnecessary trips to the bank or post office (i still only know my way to a couple of places. i'm working on it).

when my few hours of freedom are over, i slowly make my way back to wiles farm road where i can find my lovely abode (haha rhyme). sometimes i leave enough time to take a shower. sometimes i don't. reed can't smell so i usually don't worry about my body odor that often. i kind of enjoy being dirty and sweaty.

the rest of the day is usually filled with hanging out with reed. i love to hang out with him. he's super smart and funny and we get along most the time. we usually watch tv or work on selling things on ebay. but sometimes, reed gets really sick and tired and he sleeps all day long. when it's one of those days, i usually spend my time writing or reading. if the nurse forgot, i give reed his 3 o'clock meds through his g-tube while he sleeps. the next nurse comes at dinner time and she feeds him while we all watch Wheel-of-Fortune and Jeopardy. we never miss a day. sometimes we play a game together but usually we just watch more tv. our favorite things to watch are sports or the history or discovery channel. reed retains just about everything he hears and sees so he knows so much from watching all those shows all the time. most of it just blows over my head.

reed usually gets in bed around 10 and i help get him into his lift and onto his bed. then we (the nurse and i) get him undressed and ready for the night. i change his leg bad and get the breathing treatment set up and take care of the laundry while the nurse does her thing. we usually give reed a suction, where we help him cough and get the mucus out of his lungs, about three times while the nurse is here.

after that, i pretty much just sit around and wait till reed needs me. when the nurse leaves i like to go hang out in his room with him. sometimes we just watch more tv but sometimes we read or just talk. reed always wants lots of Werther's so i stay in his room to make sure he gets all that he wants. he usually ends up having more than he should and i give him a shot of insulin for his diabetes.

when he's ready to sleep i give him a suction again and give him more meds. i dump out the water, roll him on his side, make sure he's comfortable, take his temperature, pull up the covers, turn on the monitor, say goodnight and turn off the lights.

then, i go up to my room and turn on the monitor upstairs, get myself ready for bed, read scriptures, say prayers and get to sleep around 2.

at four thirty, i wake up to my most obnoxious alarm clock and run down stairs to turn reed on his back, dump out the water again, give him another suction, give him more meds, take temp. again, roll on other side, pull up covers, push the trach on tight, say good morning and i'm up to bed for another blessed six hours of sleep.

as i'm writing this, it's taking me a long time and i'm realizing how not exciting it is and how most people don't want to read it considering i got bored writing it. but! i'm going to put it up anyway for anyone who has a life more boring than mine and would like to entertain themselves.

Today

I went a little bit crazy today!!!!!!!!!!!! yep.