Remember Who You Are

so when my parents were here in september, i asked my dad to give me a blessing before he left because i was feeling pretty lonely and missing home. i was kind of expecting him to bless me to be able to find friends but instead he just blessed me to not have feelings of loneliness. i figured i wasn't going to make that many friends here but that i would just be content that way. and that's the way it was for a long time... until now!

i've been trying to think of a way to make this an interesting story, but i can't. i just had so much fun and i wanted to tell you about it. last weekend i went to the New England YSA dance with a bunch of people in my ward. before we went to the dance i met up with my visiting teacher so i could borrow one of her dresses. some other friends came over to also get ready and then the boys came and we went to an a capella concert at wellesley, had dinner in the dining hall and then headed to the dance. it was honestly the most fun i've had with that ward. everyone was hanging out together and i got to know so many people better. i loved feeling like i was part of their group, finally. my view of so many of them has changed dramatically and i'm so grateful for the friendship they showed me. they even invited me to hang out with them the next weekend and this coming weekend. the sunday after the dance was incredible because i had so many people to talk to and i finally felt included and like i could stick around and talk to people instead of just hurrying home right after the meetings ended. i also made good friends with mary. we made waffles together. she has actually been really really nice to me ever since i got her but we have been getting closer and she is so sweet and wonderful. i love all of them! i'm just so happy about it. it's so nice to have friends.

for a long time i've had a hard time getting along with the other people in my ward. it just seemed like i couldn't fit in and they didn't want to have much to do with me. it was hard to be in a university ward where everyone is going to school except for me. it made me feel so distant and disconnected from them. i also had a lot of feelings of self-doubt. i mean, these kids go to harvard and MIT. if you want to feel stupid, i know the ward for you. i'm not usually too self conscious but i couldn't get myself to relax around them and just be myself. i worried that they were judging everything i said. i think it took time for me to figure out that i like myself the way that i am, even if i don't go to harvard. before i could be friends with them, i had to be friends with myself. it took courage at first but now i say all sorts of stupid things in front of them and they still like me! or at least they pretend to haha. i used to always say how they were all just taking themselves too seriously and that's why i didn't get along with them, but i think the truth is that i was the one taking myself too seriously. when i just decide to be myself, i'm so much happier.

i'm so grateful to have friends and a dad who is a priesthood holder and father in heaven who knows me. my life is so wonderful.