Saturday, July 31, 2010

Swimming with Babies

I had a day off so i went to the pond. Walden Pond.

I got myself some lunch at wal mart and headed off on my journey. it was a pretty big undertaking considering i didn't know how to get there and i didn't look up any directions. i was kinda hoping there would just be enough signs. and there were. i got there with ease. it was a nice day. not too hot, not too cold. just right. i didn't really know what to expect, but from the pictures, it looked like there was a nice beach to lay out on. and there was, but like i said, it was a nice day and there were so many people there. i found myself a nice little niche by a tree and close to the water, sat myself down and enjoyed my lunch. i read from my book for a while and then finally took a plunge into the water. luckily, it was really warm water (i'm trying to ignore the fact that it could possibly have been because i was in the swimming area with all the small children). i let myself dry on the beach but only for a little while because i got a text from a girl who i'd met at church. she wanted to know if i wanted to hang out! a friend, so wonderful. so i hurried home (didn't get lost. count it.) and got ready so i could meet her at the olive garden for lunch (got lost for a second... don't count it). she's from utah and is here for a year as a nanny so we want to be friends. we had dinner then walked around the strip mall for a while. we pretended to be looking at clothes but we were talking too much to focus on anything but the conversation. it was a good time and i'm glad to have a friend because, even though i very much enjoyed my time alone at the pond, the whole time i was thinking about how much more fun it would've been if i had a friend with me. swimming with the babies will only cut it for so long :)

Friday, July 30, 2010

Run, Read, Reed, Repeat.

i realized that i only post when i do something out of the ordinary so i thought i'd shed a little light on what my life is actually like. here's a daily rundown for ya:

i usually wake up at around 10:30 every morning and wonder why i'm awake and then try to get in at least another half hour of blessed sleeping time. sometimes i fall back asleep for another hour or so and sometimes i just lay in my bed wishing i was still sleeping.
first thing's first, say my prayers then put on my running shorts, shoes, watch and i'm out the door. i drive in my cute car, kevin (the name needs to change, she's actually a girl but it'll do for now), over to Dean Park which turns out to be one of my grandma eldredge's favorite places from when she was little! i run my little heart out for however long i please and then allow myself to be swallowed up in my own thoughts as i sit on the hill next to the pond. i spend as much time there as possible. i love to sit and feel the breeze off of the water and watch all the geese fly around. oh, side note: the other day as i was sitting, i watched this mom take her son, bread bag in hand, to feed the geese. they each threw one piece of bread and the whole flock of geese started chasing after them and the mom ran away like a little girl, leaving her poor son behind to be mauled by the geese haha. anyway, there are a lot of people at the park around this time. it's like the whole town decided they were going to meet up there for their lunch break. the plumber and the mail man even park their trucks there for a while each day. it's kinda like a little park partay.
once i've thoroughly enjoyed my stay at the park, i have two options. one, go home. two, go to the library or find some other way to get out of going home. i generally choose option two. i spend a lot of time at the library. sometimes i go get a book from the library and then go back to the park to read there. other ways i spend my alone time are by meandering around wal mart by myself or taking myself on a historic tour of Shrewsbury or making unnecessary trips to the bank or post office (i still only know my way to a couple of places. i'm working on it).
when my few hours of freedom are over, i slowly make my way back to wiles farm road where i can find my lovely abode (haha rhyme). sometimes i leave enough time to take a shower. sometimes i don't. reed can't smell so i usually don't worry about my body odor that often. i kind of enjoy being dirty and sweaty.
the rest of the day is usually filled with hanging out with reed. i love to hang out with him. he's super smart and funny and we get along most the time. we usually watch tv or work on selling things on ebay. but sometimes, reed gets really sick and tired and he sleeps all day long. when it's one of those days, i usually spend my time writing or reading. if the nurse forgot, i give reed his 3 o'clock meds through his g-tube while he sleeps. the next nurse comes at dinner time and she feeds him while we all watch Wheel-of-Fortune and Jeopardy. we never miss a day. sometimes we play a game together but usually we just watch more tv. our favorite things to watch are sports or the history or discovery channel. reed retains just about everything he hears and sees so he knows so much from watching all those shows all the time. most of it just blows over my head.
reed usually gets in bed around 10 and i help get him into his lift and onto his bed. then we (the nurse and i) get him undressed and ready for the night. i change his leg bad and get the breathing treatment set up and take care of the laundry while the nurse does her thing. we usually give reed a suction, where we help him cough and get the mucus out of his lungs, about three times while the nurse is here.
after that, i pretty much just sit around and wait till reed needs me. when the nurse leaves i like to go hang out in his room with him. sometimes we just watch more tv but sometimes we read or just talk. reed always wants lots of Werther's so i stay in his room to make sure he gets all that he wants. he usually ends up having more than he should and i give him a shot of insulin for his diabetes.
when he's ready to sleep i give him a suction again and give him more meds. i dump out the water, roll him on his side, make sure he's comfortable, take his temperature, pull up the covers, turn on the monitor, say goodnight and turn off the lights.
then, i go up to my room and turn on the monitor upstairs, get myself ready for bed, read scriptures, say prayers and get to sleep around 2.
at four thirty, i wake up to my most obnoxious alarm clock and run down stairs to turn reed on his back, dump out the water again, give him another suction, give him more meds, take temp. again, roll on other side, pull up covers, push the trach on tight, say good morning and i'm up to bed for another blessed six hours of sleep.

as i'm writing this, it's taking me a long time and i'm realizing how not exciting it is and how most people don't want to read it considering i got bored writing it. but! i'm going to put it up anyway for anyone who has a life more boring than mine and would like to entertain themselves.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


I went a little bit crazy today!!!!!!!!!!!! yep.

Monday, July 26, 2010

I went to the Louisa May Alcott Orchard House in Concord on Saturday. This is the house where Louisa May Alcott wrote and based the story Little Women. The whole place and story is pretty cool. I kinda want to be Louisa.

This is the School of Philosophy where Louisa's father taught. He had pretty radical ideas for the area and time that most people rejected so this is where he taught others. Ralph Waldo Emerson also taught there occasionally.

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship."
-Louisa May Alcott

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Some things are meant to BE

Dear Amy,

I don't have one single memory that doesn't have you in it. I used to find that highly annoying but now I realize I wouldn't have it any other way. You are the joy of my life. I know it hasn't always seemed that way and we've definitely had our moments but I love you more than I've ever been able to tell you. You find good in everything and everyone. You have a light about you. No, it's more like a sparkle. Something about you just sparkles. You so easily draw others near you and make them feel good about themselves. You know how to make fun out of any situation. You make everything colorful and beautiful. When I think of you I can only think of smiles and laughter.

I'm sad that I'm going to miss all the wonderful new things you'll be doing soon. I wish that I could be there to have sleepovers and go to lunch and go running with you. I know you're going to be doing amazing things and you'll have so much fun with all the new people you'll meet. I can't wait to see the wonderful young woman that you'll turn in to.

I'm grateful that you are my sister and even more grateful that you're my very best friend. I love talking to you on the phone and hearing how you're doing. I love everything about you and I look up to you in so many ways. Thank you for everything. I love you.

Don't lose your sparkle ;)

Love always,

Saturday, July 17, 2010

I'm Afraid of the Dark, OK?

i hate to admit it but being in the dark really scares me. i don't think it's the dark so much as the being alone in the dark that scares me. you know how your house has it's own little creeks and grumbles? but you know exactly where each sound comes from and it's not so scary? well i live in a new house with new creeks and grumbles and even sometimes wheezes. and sometimes, when it's nighttime and the house is all dark and i'm the only one awake, i get really scared. the same kind of scared i used to get when i would hurry up the stairs from my basement-positive that someone was following me. i've always been afraid of the dark. my biggest fears are being kidnapped and ghosts. but these fears only come when it's dark and when i'm alone. so i try all sorts of weird things to soothe my troubled mind. when i lived at home i would make sure to fall asleep while my parents t.v. was still on so i could be sure they were still awake. i would always make a point of being in front of them in what i was going to wear to bed because i wanted them to be able to tell the police what i was wearing (what child thinks of this? me, apparently). nowadays, i always make sure to close my window shades before it gets dark because i'm afraid of looking out to the woods when it's dark.. never know what my mind my conjure up. i always clean my room and shut my closet doors and take a mental note of where things are in my room so that if i wake up in the night, nothing misplaced will scare me. most nights i don't even go to sleep until it's light. like tonight. you'd think that as i got older this would go away. and it did for a while. but now, now i sleep in a house with two old people who wear ear plugs and a quadriplegic! if something bad happens in this house, i'm their only hope! so i feel the need to be alert (beside my inability to rest peacefully). not that i know what i would do if something were to happen.. what do i think i'm going to do? haul reed over my shoulder and carry him out? not possible. so anyway, i'm terrified of the dark. most nights i curl up in a cowardly fetal position and think "i want my daddy" and try not to open my eyes for fear that i might see something in my room. it's all really ridiculous and i know it. but i can't help but be scared. i tell myself that there is nothing to be afraid of but i don't believe myself. ok i think i'm rambling now because it's 3:36 in the morning and i'm just delaying the turning off the lights part. farewell followers! (in case i don't make it through the night ;))

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My Gift

running used to be my passion. i lived to run. more than anything, i wanted to run. but it is more than just a passion, it's a gift. running made me the person that i am and helped me with a lot of struggles. there are a lot of great things about running: it makes you strong, it teaches you determination and hard work, it's a great way to make amazing friends, it gives you a chance to be by yourself and just think, it doesn't require a lot of coordination and you can do it all your life. at least, you hope you can do it all your life. i remember sometimes i would be injured and i thought my life was ending. if i couldn't finish a season or couldn't run my best, i was just torn apart. several times, i thought that if there was some reason that i could never run again, i would rather die. not being able to run would be the hardest thing for me to live through. well, i went to college and i didn't run all the time. i didn't take the time to go out and do the thing i loved.

so i'm here, with reed, and i'm reading a book about him and i learned that reed was a really great runner. he loved to run more than anything. then, when he was 17, he was in a car accident and could no longer run. it was like i was reading my worst nightmare. he just woke up in the hospital and realized that he couldn't do that one thing that he loved so much.

i realized that i take running for granted. i've been given this great gift. i can go out and make my body strong and clear my mind and feel good about myself and i don't even use it. it's not fair that i can run and reed can't because i know he would if he could. so i made myself a promise to run every day. those days when i really don't want to get out of bed i just remind myself that some people can't get out of bed and then i run. i run for reed.

"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift" - Pre

Sunday, July 11, 2010

i love you, BYU

i got an email from byu today, informing me that i owed them tuition and i got really sad because that meant i had to drop my classes. i've been avoiding it because i love school. so i had to get on and push the "drop all classes" button and it honestly made me cry. it had a little drop down menu of reasons for dropping my classes and none of the reasons really seemed good enough. why would anyone stop going to school? it sounds so crazy. my heart is still kind of aching. i want to go to school forever.


so i decided i would go to the singles ward today and try to make some friends. i've been lonely. the problem is that there are like four singles wards in Massachusetts and they all happen to be an hour a way. so i just picked one in Cambridge and put it into map quest. so i leave so i could be there just in time so i wouldn't have to try to make small talk with the bishop or anything like that. i always feel awkward. so i get to the street that i'm supposed to be on and the paper says the church should be on the right so i drive up and down the street for like ten minutes which is hard to do because like every other street is a one way street and you can't make u-turns. so anyway, i can't find it anywhere so i decide i'll park and walk and see if i can find it but it turns out that the only parking left on the street is like four blocks from the address. so i'm walking down this cobble stone sidewalk in heels, not a good combination, and i finally see it and i'm frustrated because the sign like blends into the brick on the church and there are fences all around it. it's under construction. turns out it burned to the ground not too long ago. but there are lights on inside and it's almost finished and there are lots of cars parked outside so i'm walking around the church looking for a little pathway or something so i can get inside and i'm looking in the cars to see if i can find any like mormon paraphernalia... i dunno. anyway, i can't find an entrance so i decide i'll just spend sometime looking around. there were a lot of cool old buildings with little historical signs outside of them. i even found a statue of Longfellow, who i had to Google haha. i did actually know who he was but i just wanted to make sure. so anyway, i'm walking around, enjoying the scenery and for some reason, all the other touristy people think that i know something. they're all asking me how to get places and if i've seen some sort of building or know where something is. weird. and then, all of a sudden, i see two missionaries drive by and they turned right by the church so i watched them to see where they go and i can only see them turn one corner but i figured it was worth a shot so i run to my car (barefoot, of course, i dropped the heels a while back) and hurry back to the street they were on (i made an illegal u-turn on a one way street but they'll never know). i didn't find it. i found nothing. but by this point, i was really lost and going back wasn't going to get me anywhere so i decide to find someone to help me (i forgot to print instructions on how to get back home... smart, i know). so i find this little supermarket that smells like the sewer and ask the service desk if they can tell me how to get back to route 2 cause that's how i got here but they don't know anything so they spend twenty minutes getting their computer to work and finally print me directions. after i leave, i realize the instructions take me on the toll road. i don't want to go on the toll road. so i go back in and find this manager guy who also smells like the sewer only mixed with cigarette smell and he's telling me all these things in such a thick boston accent that i really have no clue what he's saying. so he writes it down for me but he scribbled out half of the things he wrote and long story short, they got me no where. except to watertown. but i think that just happened by a miracle. so i still don't know where i am so i pull into the Best Buy there and ask the service desk for some help and the ridiculous girl tries to sell me a GPS!!!! agh i wanted to scream at her. i don't want to buy a GPS! i want to get directions to get home! so then there are like three people who work there plus two people in the line behind me all telling me different ways to get home and i don't even know what they're saying because i don't even know where i am and finally i hear someone say "20 main" and i know that that road goes straight into Northborough so i'm way excited and i tell them to just get me onto 20. the directions they gave me were weird and told me to get off of 20 and then get back on like four miles later but i didn't listen, i just stayed on 20 the whole time and eventually made it back. so, if you ever want to know how to get home from Cambridge, don't ask me, or the people at the Stars market. but, if you want to know how to get home from Watertown, i'm your girl. don't even bother stopping in at the Best Buy cause they'll just make you buy a GPS. besides not actually going to church, which was the worst part of all of it, i only had one church cd in my car and i listened to it seven times. yep, seven times. one good part was that i got to see the boston temple! just from the freeway but it still made me happy.

and now, a rant about driving in Massachusetts:

nothing makes sense.
what's with only putting the street signs of streets you could turn onto but not the street you're on? sometimes, i kinda wanna know where i am.
don't you know you already have enough trees? we don't need the trees coming clear out to the street so that we can't see the street signs. so annoying!
why are the street lights way over on the side of the road? why can't they be in the middle where we can see them like everywhere else in the world?
it would help if you could have a street number instead of "lexington" for a street name. did you know there is a "lexington" in EVERY SINGLE town in new england!? freak!
it might be a little more convenient if the sign that tells you which turn takes you where was before the turn actually comes. we need to be prepared, people.
also, why can't a road be going north and then continue to go north? why do you have to make it turn all the way around and then turn back the direction you want it to. not only that but you may have to make a turn to make sure you stay on the right road. what?
and why can't the road have the same name the entire time that it's still a road? what is the point of changing the name of it? did we really need another Lexiongton?
and lastly, what on earth makes people think they can stop in the middle of the road!!???? you can't! you'll kill someone.

so yep, that was my sunday. can you tell i really felt the Spirit? yikes...